Annie Green Quit Talking to Me

Annie Green was my very first love,
She walked out and said "Well I've had enough.
I set myself up for these things that won't last,
I hate where it's going, and it's headed there fast


So Annie Green quit speaking to me,
I called once or twice but just got the machine.
I felt like a wreck for the next several months,
'Cause my head can't make sense if my heart never does


I met a nice girl, named Eileen,
When we were together, I forgot about Ann Green.
But time all alone was much harder it seemed,
From all of these dreams, Annie could never leave.


It took me some time, but I think I'm alright,
She left me a note on my window one night.
She told me "I'm sorry I left, I was wrong,"
I said "It's okay, cause I think I've moved on."

Dear Santa:

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos. 

It's that time of the year. Snowy days, Warm evenings curled up by the fire. Time spent with your family and friends, christmas decorations, treats, countdowns until the special day, Giving gifts, spending the holiday with the ones you love.
I'm going to be materialistic and write a Christmas Wish list. Just like all those years as a little kid, writing to Santa that you've been a good boy or girl all year.


Dear Santa,


How are the reindeer? Are the elves getting good benefits for all the hard work they're doing? I hope so! How is Mrs. Clause? Have you been preparing yourself for a night filled with cookies and milk? and sliding down chimneys? For christmas this year I would like:


-Flight of the Conchords Season 1 and 2
-Purple high heel boots from Payless 6 1/2
-Wonder- Lisa Mitchell
-Dark skinny jeans 25" waist 32" length
-Shelves for my room (So I can put my tea cups up again)
-CD's in general, you can never have too many CD's
-iPhone 4 (This one's reaching for the moon. I'll probably save and get one after the holidays)


That's really all I want, nothing I need, but some things I've been eyeing :)


Love, Ashleen


Now it's time for me to get better, Finish my school projects and get my loved ones some special christmas gifts :) And maybe make some cookies and Christmas cards for others :) I've already made 1 cute Christmas CD with a nice cover :)

Laying on my Deathbed.

I have mono. It sucks. My throat is closing in, I have a constant ear ache, I'm exhausted. I can barely talk, eat, or move. I have literally become a part of my couch since Thursday night. Have only moved like once in the past 4 days, and that was to shower which was desperately needed. I reeked. Plus, it's my last week of classes this week. AKA everything is due, or was due I should say. I got extensions on my work, so I can rest up, get better, and then get my work done. Still, worst time to get seriously sick ever. Since Thursday night, I have watched:

To Catch A Thief
Serendipity (x2)
Beauty and the Beast
Dial M for Murder
Garden State
Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason
101 Dalmatians
Vertigo
Uptown Girls (x2)
2 discs of the 4th season of The OC
Old Cartoons on Teletoon Retro
a ton of miscellaneous TV

I need to find something more productive to do or I'm going to kill myself. All I want to do right now is sleep, probably since I wasn't able to before. and eat. I'm starving, but my throat hurts too much to get anything down. I hate illness. Right now, I'm listening to Teenage Fanclub and browsing the internet for anything interesting.

Me.

I am passionate about what I do and who I am. I know who that is. I am not ashamed of who I am in any way. I am a 5'3 1/2" red head. I'm an Art Major, and I love what I do. I enjoy going to school (most days) I enjoy creating new things. I love taking pictures. I love my tea cup collection. I love books. My favourite book ever, being Jane Eyre- Charlotte Bronte. I also love Jane Austen novels, and Harry Potter, and classics like Roots and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. If I start a good book, you can bet my nose is going to be stuck in it straight till I finish it. I love movies. I LOVE movies. I could have a movie marathon all weekend and be completely content. I love Disney. Anything to do with Disney. When I'm sick, the best comfort is to pop in Cinderella or The Little Mermaid and snuggle on the couch with my blankie. I also love music. I love the classics like Frank Sinatra, I love the cheesy 70's hits like Rock Me Gently- Andy Kim and The Bay City Rollers. I also love new bands like The Shins, or Woodpigeon, or Said the Whale. I like discovering new songs that make my day when they pop up on my iPod. I love cuddling. I love kisses, I love holding hands, I love having fin, and sometimes getting a little silly with my friends. I love playing dress up. I love decorating and designing. I laugh a lot. Sometimes until I can't breathe. I am a procrastinator. I am lazy. I am a horrible cook, although I am trying to get better at it. I want to please the people I care about. I want to take care of them, and make them feel loved. I don't think everybody I meet is "my friend" I have really close friends. I know the kind of friends that come and bring you crackers and movies when you're sick, the ones that will buy that shirt you love  for you when you have no money. Sometimes I have brain farts, and I'm a bit scatterbrained. Well a lot scatterbrained. I'm not confrontational. I hate fighting. When I do fight with someone I usually cave and apologize first, just to end the disagreement. I don't care about being right, well sometimes I do. Mostly I just don't don't want to fight about it. I'm sometimes cliche. I love to dance, and twirl in the kitchen. I love snow, and snowboarding. Christmas is my favourite season. I hate starting my car in the morning. I AM NOT a morning person. I'm not really a night person either. I'm an "it's my bedtime" person. I like old people. I think they're nice and interesting. I don't feel like I fit in with "the party crowd" I never went to parties in high school, and going to them now, I feel like an outcast. If I feel inferior to someone, I become shy, and barely talk, if I feel comfortable, I am outgoing. I'm very "go-with-the-flow" and not very pushy, Sometimes I don't know what to say in a conversation because I don't want to sound dumb. I'm a good listener, and I can empathize, but I also need time to rant. I barely have any secrets. I trust people. Sometimes too much. I'm awkward. I make weird noises. Sometimes I forget to use people words. I have a lot of things bouncing around in my head. I daydream, I'm always in my own little world.

That's me. Take it or leave it. That's just who I am. I can't change for anyone. Either love me for it or don't.

Sophocles Was a Smart Greek.

Pain has a god,

Love has a god,

And death,

And they smash

The proud

Again and again,

Hammer away

Until at last,

Grown old, 

We're wise.

And that's what happiness is.

                          -Sophocles (Antigone)

Dreary Days.

I'm lonely. I miss him. I miss us. I'm glad that nobody really reads this blog, I just like having a place to put my thoughts and worries. I like the possibility that someone might read it, but not everyone I know. It's just good to get all my crazy thoughts out of my head sometimes to fit the other stuff I need in there. Like school. School school school. This semester has been fun, but stressful, and hard. I'm taking 3 studio courses (NEVER again in one semester) and It's overwhelming all the work that needs to be done, while maintaining good grades. It's been hectic to say the least. Only 2 weeks left though! That's scary. I have so much to do. SO MUCH, and I'm losing the oomph to do it. I just don't want to get out of bed anymore, and when I come home, I get right back into it. I also think I'm coming down with the flu. Not good at this point in the semester. I'm feeling so weak and sick and have to get up early for a midterm tomorrow morning. Then I have to finish my projects in printmaking, and paint 8 watercolours for another class, and do self identification collages, and a self identification project for Anatomical drawing, AND read a play and finish script and character analysis as well as research. And that's all for next week. :(

The weather has also turned, and it has become winter in a flash. I'm alright with it though. I love snowy days and snowy evenings by the fire. Sunshine opens tomorrow so I can finally get back on the mountains, and winter means christmas! Chrismas smells, a break from school, time to do things for myself, good food and family. Best season of the year, by far. Then it's off to semester 2. Back to lots of work and stress!

Other than that, my mood has been pretty bleak. It's been a Shins kind of month. Love sucks, and boys confuse me. One in particular. But so is life I suppose, and I'll just have to deal.

I also picked up a CD by The National. It's awesome.

Confusion and Desperation.

I don't really know anymore. I don't really know about anything. I can't keep fighting my thoughts and worries. They keep me up late at night, and distract me during the days. It's the logic I'm trying to fight. The logic of knowing that I'm setting myself up to be hurt. I'm scared and I worry. I feel lonely. I don't know what to do. Follow my heart or my head. Sometimes I think we're on the same page, but then moments arise where I realize we want different things, but also the same things. I am just all around confused. I've been confused for what feels like forever.  Sometimes I feel that I'm not wanted. And it breaks my heart.

I'm Happy. I want to make you happy.

The Interwebs.

I just got back from the movie 'The Social Network' It's about the guy who invented Facebook, and basically how it came to be what it is today. It's kind of sad to think that our generation is so focused on technology and the internet, but it's true. We're lost without it. I know that I personally check my Facebook routinely throughout the day, more or less depending on what I'm doing. It's not like it's That interesting, but we have this desire and need to know what our friends and family are doing. It's almost to a point where we're obsessed with knowing everything going on in each other's lives. Same thing with cell phones. I lost mine last week, and just not having it for a couple days was making me go crazy. My entire life seems to be on my phone or the internet. My contacts, my friends, my pictures, my messages, music, everything. Anything and everything is connected to the computer. It's kind of sick how much of yourself is out there for everything to see, but I'm kind of a hypocrite in saying that because I won't get rid of anything either. I have Facebook. I have Twitter. I have a blog. I have a LastFM. I have a Flickr. Everything. Our generation has become addicted to knowing what's going on, and how much we share with others. Facebook isn't our diary. Some things aren't supposed to be shared with everyone. But again, look at me being a hypocrite as I'm blogging about my life to random strangers on the internet who don't know me, nor care about what i say most of the time. I'm not saying that it's going to change, or that I'm going to change, I'm just pointing out how weird it is. Lots of times I'll be telling my friend a story and it will involve what I said on twitter or what my Facebook status was. Or knowing if I'm in a relationship or not based on my Facebook relationship status. What's with that? or making it "Facebook Official". Sad but true. Even as we speak, I'm getting agitated that the Facebook server is down and I can't go down, and I'm tweeting about how angry it's making me, while texting my boy that I'm sitting on the computer blogging, and frustrated with Facebook. I'm woven into the technology addiction too. Facebook is an addiction. Making status' and sending friends messages and seeing friend's pictures, and sharing pictures, and getting tagged in them, and liking pictures and friend's status'. It's insane really how much Facebook is a part of our lives. So that's my ramble. Kind of went in a big circle and now I'm thinking of something else and have lost my train of thought... so, back to trying to get on Facebook.

Notes For Myself.

Don't cry in public. Don't cry in public. Don't cry in public

Stop looking at your phone. He's not going to call.

Don't call him. You'll make it worse.

Stop thinking about it. 

Don't let it ruin your day.

Don't let it ruin your birthday. 

You apologized, you admitted you were wrong. There's nothing else you can do.

You just have to wait, and hopefully he'll forgive you.

It's not the first mistake you've made. 

You've both made mistakes. You've both been idiots at one time or another.

Stop listening to 'Sodom, South Georgia'. Turn it off.

Don't let this ruin your day. 

Crying in your car is still in public. People can see.

What happened to "I barely ever cry" 

This month alone you've cried more than in the past year probably.

Man up. Walk tall.

TURN OFF THAT SONG.

Maybe he'll forgive you.

He's made mistakes too.

You're both human.

Breathe.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

The Ballad of Love and Hate

The Ballad Of Love and Hate

The Avett Brothers

Love writes a letter and sends it to hate.

My vacations ending. I'm coming home late.

The weather was fine and the ocean was great 

and I can't wait to see you again. 

Hate reads the letter and throws it away.

"No one here cares if you go or you stay.

I barely even noticed that you were away.

I'll see you or I won't, whatever."

Love sings a song as she sails through the sky.

The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.

And everyone knows it whenever she flies,

and also when she comes down.

Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.

Every stranger and drifter he greets.

And shakes hands with every loner he meets

with a serious look on his face.

Love arrives safely with suitcase in tow.

Carrying with her the good things we know.

A reason to live and a reason to grow.

To trust. To hope. To care.

Hate sits alone on the hood of his car.

Without much regard to the moon or the stars. 

Lazily killing the last of a jar 

of the strongest stuff you can drink.

Love takes a taxi, a young man drives.

As soon as he sees her, hope fills his eyes.

But tears follow after, at the end of the ride, 

cause he might never see her again.

Hate gets home lucky to still be alive.

He screams o'er the sidewalk and into the drive.

The clock in the kitchen says 2:55, 

And the clock in the kitchen is slow.

Love has been waiting, patient and kind.

Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign,

That the one that she cares for, who's out of his mind,

Will make it back safe to her arms.

Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door.

Weary head hung, eyes to the floor.

He says "Love, I'm sorry", and she says, "What for?

I'm your's and that's it, Whatever.

I should not have been gone for so long.

I'm your's and that's it, forever."

You're mine and that's it, forever.

Through Someone Else's Eyes.

Sometimes you have to put yourself in another person's mind and see their outlook to understand something. Their past may affect you.

Wet, Dismal Days Accompany the Sombre Soul.

Last night and today have been a struggle. A struggle to focus, and not fall down. Not give up. Not crawl back into my bed and never get back out. It's just been a really really hard and emotional 24 hours. This morning I got up at 6:00, after a night filled with tears, horrible dreams, tossing and turning, and finally laying awake staring at the ceiling searching for answers. I got up, went to take a shower, and ended up sitting down for 20 minutes soaking in the hot water, mulling over my endless thoughts. I finally got out, got ready, made myself a hot chai tea and left for school. Dreary, wet, rainy and foggy weather met me outside my door. Driving into school in that weather, in the dark of the morning, listening to Ray LaMontagne's voice radiate through the car, tears were running down my face. I'm glad for it though. Sometimes when you're sad, you just have to accept that you're sad, wallow in it, and then you can move on. It might take a while, but it's possible to be happy again.

I still don't know what will happen, or how I will deal with the obstacles of growing up and distance and hardships, but I  do know that I still love someone tremendously. That's all I know right now, and I hope it's enough. The only thing I can do is love blindly, and hope everything works out.

L'Amour.

Life will always throw obstacles at you for you to overcome. Life is never easy. But those challenges make the good times so much better. 

I used to think love was something that took time to know. That you couldn't possibly love someone until you were with them for at least 6 months. Like there was a certain amount of time you had to overcome before it was acceptable to be in love with that person. I don't know if that was just because I was in high school, or because that's the general view of relationships and love in our generation. It's expected to use your head and think your way through a relationship. You don't hear of the wild wind love stories that your grandparent's generation have anymore. The spontaneity of falling in love and being together is lacking.  Now, people think that that spontaneity is dangerous, and scary, well so what. So what. What's wrong with fear? It's natural to fear things. It's natural to be scared, how else would you overcome anything? We've done it over and over again throughout our lives. From being scared of the monster under the bed, to the fear of living on your own. We have to deal with it, thats part of growing up.

I don't think there are any rules when it comes to love, and I don't believe you can think yourself through it. It's something you have to feel yourself through blindly. You never know what's going to happen, but you take that leap of faith anyways. You should stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong, and what you have to prepare yourself for, and just do it. I think when you start to over think love, thats when it falls apart. Divorces are so common today that it's hard to believe that any two people can stay together forever, but then you see those old couples... Walking down the street together hand in hand, or going out for breakfast and ordering for each other,  Sharing the newspaper over coffee, visiting their grandchildren... They love and need one another. You know that there has probably been a time or two throughout their lives together that their love was tested, and that there were arguments, and hardships, but they made it through. I think those couples are examples that it can work, and that you can be with one person for the rest of your life.

Love can't be determined by time. It can't be controlled. When you find love, time doesn't matter. When you know, you know. I also believe that if you truly want it to,  love can conquer any obstacle. You just have to let it. Don't give up on it because it's hard.

The Smell of Summer.

Wow, I's been so long since I've written a post. Too long. I have just been so busy with work and friends, that all my time seems to be occupied. I'm not going to lie, I'm excited for school to be back in, and the fall leaves to come tumbling down off the trees. The U of C campus is gorgeous in the fall. I just feel that I need to do something with my days again, this never ending work schedule is wearing me down and boring me. The only thing that makes me want to put off September is Mait leaving for school in Lethbridge. That will be hard. But we'll see.

Right now I'm sitting at my island on my laptop eating a sandwich and a bowl of blueberries. Best thing about summer: All the delicious fruit. Definitely.

Since my last post, a lot has happened. I got a new camera!! I bought it off a friend for $500.00 and she barely used it. It's a Nikon DX40 with an 18-55mm lens. I am in love with it, now I can really start learning the ropes of photography and hopefully get good at it! I had been just borrowing my parents little camera and using that to take all my pictures, so this new camera will be a lot better! For Brad's birthday (like a month ago) Maitland, Amanda, Brad and I went up to Mait's parent's country house for the weekend and we had so much fun. Amanda and I went off and took pictures around the house, and i'm really happy with how some of them turned out. There's an old blue Chevy in the middle of a field, so we used that for a lot of the pictures.

Mait and I on the S.S. Mowie at Heritage Park

Some music that I've been really into lately are:

Bombay Bicycle Club

Julian Casablancas

Nick Drake

Life in Film (listen to get Closer. So catchy)

Neon Indian

Hawksley Workman

Sufjan Stevens

They are all such good artists/ bands. Go look up some of their songs and take a listen.

Another thing that has happened recently, is the death of a great teacher at my high school. Mr. McGowan died in a car accident over the weekend, and it really hit hard. I had him for English 20 and 30, and have so many great memories of him. He was such a fun teacher and will be greatly missed. People have been putting up posters to write memories and notes on the front doors of my old high school and leaving flowers. It's a sad loss. Here's the news story: Skye McGowan

Here Comes the Sun.

"Little darling, It's been a long, cold, lonely winter

Little darling, It feels like years since it's been here

Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun

And I say, It's alright"

Wow, It's been a long time since I've written a post on here. Well, a lot has happened, Summer has started to bloom from the winter. Resurfacing with it's golden sunshine, trying to push through all the rain we've been getting. I feel as if we're living in Vancouver rather than calgary. I   found another job, so am now working 2 part time jobs, making me a very busy bee. In between shifts I usually find myself with a beer and great friends, which is an excellent way to spend your spare time, at least in my opinion. My boy got back from Sweden about a month ago, and I've been spending almost every spare minute with him. He was in Sweden for 6 months working and travelling. It's good to have him home. A few weeks ago, my friend Courtney and I took a day trip to Peter's Drive-In and down to Prince's Island Park to take some pictures and spend the day outside. The picture above, and the one at the very bottom are from that day. Oh and the shakes and lunch were delicious.

A couple weeks ago, my sister, Amanda and I went shopping and came back with a few cute items. I am so bad with saving my money. I got two really cute dresses  and a pair of shorts with bird stitching from Forever 21 and some new shades from bluenotes (I have no problem with cute $5.00 sunglasses.) I lost them in the depths of Brad's house that night though, so... Good thing they were only 5 dollars right?! The above picture is of Amanda in her new jeggings that she was so excited for (she had to put them on in my car while I was driving because she was so excited) I love taking pictures of her because she has such a modelesque figure. Anyways, most of my days have been spent hanging out with Brad, Amanda and Maitland, having a few beers and having a good time, working, and camping. Brad's birthday is this Saturday and the four of us are going down to Maitland's country house to spend the weekend. It should be a really good time and I'm so excited for it!

Sitting out on the deck with a Beer and a cigar. Bad influences.... But a good time altogether :)

IAs of late, I have been in a Laura Marling/ Two Door Cinema Club/ Dr. Dog/ Broken Social Scene/ The Strokes kind of musical mood. A little all over the place. All such good bands though. If you haven't heard of them, definitely look them up!

Rainy Days.

"But there's one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me
It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head"

Today was a rainy day. Drizzly and wet. I loved it. I love the rain, I love the fresh smells, I love the worms that crawl out from the earth, I love the moisture, and the way your windshield wipers wipe it away in their monotonous way. I love the way the street lights reflect off the wet pavement, and the sound of the rain hitting the windows. It's refreshing. I don't mind getting a little wet when I get to experience all of that. 

After work, I called up my best friends Alyssa and Ginnelle and forced them to come enjoy the rain outside and take pictures, so we went outside (They live outside of town) and started snapping pictures. It was fun, if not wet and cold. I'm pretty happy with how some of them turned out. Especially the one of Alyssa with her vintage camera and umbrella above. It's my favourite.

It was a wonderful drizzly, rainy day

         

Rainy Day Music:

I Love The Rain Most- Joe Purdy

Raindrop's Keep Falling on my Head- B.J. Thomas

Why Does it Always Rain on Me- Travis

Crazy.

Right now, I feel frustrated. Frustrated and irritated and sad and happy and confused and well, just plain crazy. This is how this person makes me feel. Crazy. Makes me stay up all night thinking, and unfocused during the day. This person makes me want to punch them and hug them at the same time. This person makes me obsessed and, and well crazy. I don't think of myself as a usually crazy person, but ever since this person has come into my life and then left again as quickly as they'd come, thats how I feel... Crazy. Right now I'm listening to 'Only living Boy in New York' by Simon & Garfunkel through my big purple headphones, trying to drain everything out, get past the craziness that I have woken up to, get past this person. Move on. Get this person out of my mind for once. Find my sanity once again in the depths of my mind. I think it's almost worked until 'Future 86'- Bomb The Music Industry! comes on and I am once again grabbing at my hair, feeling tense, frustrated and crazy.

Most Played.

Today I was putting some more songs onto my Ipod and looked at the play count of my entire Music Library and thought it would be neat to copy down the top 10 onto here, since it truly shows what songs are my favourite, so out of 2865 songs, here are my top played 10:

1. Cheek to Cheek- Frank Sinatra (169 times)

2. Life is a Song- Patrick Park (167 times)

3. Jesse's Girl- Rick Springfield (153 times)

4. Flightless Bird, American Mouth- Iron & Wine (148 times)

5. Do You Believe in Magic- The Lovin' Spoonful (140 times)

6. Lovers of Loving Love- The Aquabats (133 times)

7. Cry Me A River- Julie London (125 times)

8. I Found a Reason- Cat power (119 times)

9. If You are But a Dream- Frank Sinatra (116 times)

10. The Trapeze Swinger- Iron & Wine (114 times)

Adventures of Sunny Days.

       

The other day, my friend Brittany and I took advantage of the warm sunny day and went into Calgary to Bowness Park. It's right across the street from my Dad's house so I know the area really well. I took her around the park and showed her some awesome spots for pictures. It was quite the adventure. When I took her across the river to the train tracks for some pictures with graffiti, we saw a dead cat. We almost stepped on it. It was pretty sad. Afterwards we went to a little diner called 'Angels' right near my Dad's house for some burgers and fries. She loved it's cute retro-ness and the burgers were delicious. All in all it was an excellent day and quite the adventure.

Friday night I went out with some friends to see Eddie Izzard at the Jubilee. If you haven't heard of this guy, seriously look him up. He is a hilarious british transvestite and it was so good watching him. So funny. At some times I was crying in my chair from laughing so hard. (Watch this one 'Cake or Death')I also met up with some of my friends from school there, who I really miss! I laughed when i saw all of the merchandise they had bought. AKA Everything that was sold! It was quite the bag full of goodies. I, myself only bought a T-shirt. Afterwards, the girls dragged me to a Sheesha bar downtown. Now, I am not the rebel type. I don't smoke, Do pot, or anything else of the hoolagan-ish type things, so going to a Sheesha bar was quite the new experience. I wasn't very good at it either, but I had fun. We had a White Grape/ Watermelon flavour that was actually really good. I wouldn't do it again much in the future, just cause I'm not like that, but I can't say that I didn't have fun. I was laughing up a storm that we were actually sitting in a restaurant smoking from a bong. My friend Lexi could make the smoke spill out in vast pools from her mouth, but I could only get a little puff.

                                                           

Yesterday, My friend Amanda and I took a trip into Kensington and walked around visiting the shops for the day. It was a lot of fun and money was spent! especially on her half! She got offered a job in American Apparel, for having the right 'look' (she's tall, skinny, cute and model-ish, with very cute style I might add!) We also went into a record store, that we spent probably close to an hour in I'm thinking. We both love records and music. I just came out with a 'The Flaming Lips' CD, but she came out with a few records for friends and herself. Then we had some delicious Cinnamon Swirl Tea from a cute little teahouse. It was so good. I am developing a serious addiction to tea. It was gorgeous outside, and I had the perfect companion for shopping down kensington. We will have to go back and spend the entire day there. 

Last night, after work A few of my close friends and I went out to Dick's for a drink, and then into town to see the movie 'Kick Ass' It is such a funny movie. Full of "What the F***!?" moments. Definitely a good one for the of age group though.

All in All, An excellent past week!

The Need/ Want for New CD's.

Whilst on my job search, I passed Zeus Music Store and thought Hey! That could be a spectacular job for me! I get to see all the new CD's and music that comes in all the time, and get to introduce people to new bands and artists! so, I dropped off my resume, even though they aren't hiring right now. I'm thinking of dropping one off at HMV too, what the heck. Anyways, this idea of music shopping for a job made me think of music shopping for me, and made me want CD's. I've created a list:

1. Words Are Dead- Horse Feathers (They are awesome, and I love them. Simple as that.)
2. Lost Channels- Great Lake Swimmers
3. Was Right All Along- Allison Weiss
4. The Wild Hunt- The Tallest Man on Earth
5. The new Broken Social Scene Album
6. Together- The New Pornographers

Theres way more.. but I am starting to seem like a CD-a-holic.....

Day to Day Happenings.

Today was a very productive day I think. I woke up( at a decent hour) and ate some apple cinnamon cheerios and chocolate milk  (whoever thought up the idea of mixing apple cinnamon flavour with cheerios was a genius BY THE WAY.) and then got dressed, did some laundry, cleaned the house a smidge and then cleaned my car! It seriously was filthy inside. I had to throw out all the garbage and junk that had collected in the backseat of my car over the year and vacuum all of the bits of rocks, dirt and grass everywhere. It was quite the task. Let me tell you! then I went to work to eat some lunch and read 'The Story of Edgar Sawtelle' It's good so far, It sounds like it's going to be very Hamlet-ish. With the father dying and the uncle taking over and marrying the widowed wife, with the son trying to prove the uncles guilt. Should be good. I like Hamlet. Then I came home and chilled. Took my dog for a walk... got stuck in that awkward scenario of having a bag full of poop without a garbage can nearby. Praying to god that you don't run into anybody that you know, trying to hold your arm really stiff so that the bag doesn't bounce and fling all over the place while your walking. Horrible. 

On another note... MY GRADES FINALLY CAME IN! Hallelujah! About time! I ended with 2 B's, 2 B+'s and an A-! I'm pretty pleased with those grades. A much better second semester. So because my grades were pretty good, my mom took me to buy a leather jacket! (I really wanted one) and I love it! I also got a beach hat so I don't burn and freckle even more on my face- if that's even possible. It was a good mini shopping trip.

On the Full Time job hunt now too! I've applied at a few places around town and hope I get a call! I need the money. I just don't make near enough to pay for school at work currently, nor do I get close to enough hours that I need. I am just so sick of it, and I really need a change of pace.

Got a new copy of 'Jane Eyre- Charlotte Bronte'. I now have three copies. I'm starting a little collection here! I just had to buy it though, since it matches all of my Jane Austen books. (The nice black hard cover with the elastic hold and the coloured shiny titles).  Plus it was only $5.00!!! I couldn't believe it!

For mother's day we went downtown to the Lougheed House. It was really good. My whole family loves that kind of stuff. We go to Heritage Park a ton, and just love the old houses. My mom really enjoyed us all going out as a family too. Afterwards, we drove around kensington and Sunnyside to look at the houses and then went to Peter's Drive In for some milkshakes and hot dogs. Delicious!

Graduation.

Well, It's that time of the year again. High School Graduation. The ceremony, the banquet, the dance, the after party. You know it's come when Facebook is bombarded with pictures of younger friends in their caps and gowns, their big prom dresses, the limos and their dates. This time last year all that was me. I was in that elated, I'm graduating High School mood. The moments that came with all of the events, the exhilaration, and all of the years of school we had gone through. Graduating High School is a big thing. It's the first step to growing up. It's that first major feeling of "I did it. I really did it" and "Now what am I going to do?". It's the pure joy of finishing something. You really accomplished something. It's your day to shine. You get to walk up on that stage to get that certificate. You get to wear that beautiful gown that you know you're going to only ever wear once, you get to be a princess for the day. 

I really can't believe that it has been a year. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. This whole year has been like a dream. It just flew by. I think thats what happens when you get out of school. You get older  (I mean, I'm not that old. Only 18! I'm still a baby!) and see things differently. You're not just in High School. Public, Free education. Once you leave, you go to school because you want to. You have to pay for it. You have to decide what you want to do from now on. You make the decisions. You're losing that protection from mom and dad, from your teachers and guidance. It's all up to you now. You're not going to be spoon fed anymore. You're seen as a responsible young adult now. Nobody's going to babysit you. 

Another thing about graduating, is that you really realize who your friends are. When you're not in the same class or grade, you have to make the effort to see each other. To retain those friendships you made in school if they're worth keeping. Once you're out of school you're put in different groups. You find friends who are doing the same thing you are. You find friends that share the same interests as you do, Have the same goals as you do. You're not just friends with them because you've always been friends with them. You're not just a part of a clique, you become an individual. Last year, signing yearbooks and handing out grad pictures, you always wrote "You're great, I'm going to miss you tons!" or perhaps something more personal, but I've realized this past year, that most of the people you wrote that to, you won't really miss them, but the idea of them. They represent your high school years. They represent your memories. They represent your youth. The great friend's you'll keep, the acquaintances, will be preserved in pictures. The pictures you show your kids. The memories you keep with you for the rest of your life. So, with that said... Congratulations Class of 2010!

The Sweet Sounds of Fresh Melodies.

Tonight I have discovered some new bands and songs that make my heart flutter with their sweet melodies. Purely mesmerizing. Today I've been listening to a full range of musical genres. The Strokes, Sum 41, Lisa Mitchell, Louis Armstrong, Against Me!, and Iron and Wine to name a few. I just kept switching between moods and genres. Tonight, I have come back to the calming folky melodies when I discovered a wonderful musician who goes by The Tallest Man On Earth. He will be receiving a very warm welcome into the growing musical library of my Ipod. Listen to The Sparrow and the Medicine- The Tallest Man on Earth. Gorgeous acoustics. Another truly amazing group that I discovered (also tonight) is Horse Feathers. Hmmm. I can just feel the sweetness of the acoustic guitar and violin pulse through my body. Delicious. Listen to Curs in the Weeds- Horse Feathers  again, Will be on my Ipod very shortly. Another excellent listen are the Bowerbirds. Take a listen to Northern Lights- The Bowerbirds. Nice and soothing. I'll leave it at that for now, while I take another adventure through LastFM.com and make new wonderful discoveries.

Never Too Old For A Tea Party.

Today my friends Amanda, Ginnelle and I had a tea party. It was wonderfully quaint and lovely. I am quite proud of how I set it up in my living room. We all wore dresses and had a whimsical afternoon. We caught up on everything and chatted for a couple hours whilst drinking tea (Iced Tea for Ginnelle because she's a baby). It was fun. You're never too old for a tea party. You're never too old to get dressed up and play make believe. Never to old to lose your childish innocence. Gossip In The Grain- Ray LaMontagne

"Such a lazy jackstraw, Always late for tea, never bothers to ring lately, says the silly sparrow. Gossip in the Grain"

Do You Realize??

Right now I'm listening to Do You Realize??- The Flaming Lips and just absorbing everything around me. This song makes me think. Think about life, love, and what your going to have to look back on when it's your time to go. This just makes me realize how much I want every moment to count, even if I don't remember every single moment. I want to look back on my life and say that I lived the best that I could, and that I loved the best I could. I don't want to live my life in a trance. These last couple weeks since school finished I really have been doing nothing. Sleeping in, maybe watching a movie, maybe going to work for a few hours... not much of importance. So I made a list of everything I want to try to do, (some things I do think I already do, but want to do them better) starting now.

1. Have a camera ready. I want to capture all of the moments. The in between moments, The moments you don't really realize are moments. I want to capture the pure human-ness of us. The regular-ness of us, because I think that regular-ness is beautiful. So ironically unique and different in our regular-ness.

2. Love freely and passionately. Not to be afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve and let someone woo me. To not think about what's going to happen. Not to worry about getting hurt emotionally by someone, because by the end of the day, I'll know that I gave it my serious 110% best and know that if it ends, it just wasn't meant to last forever. I want to be able to let people in and let them truly get to know me and either love me for who I am, or not. I am who I am and I always will be. I'm not going to change for anybody, but I will let them in. I want to trust people. Not everybody, because obviously, that could get me killed, but to believe in their best qualities.

3. That being said... I want to surround myself with true, honest, loving people. People who I know will never literally hurt me, People who accept me for who I am and love me for it.

4. Read. Absorb myself in a book. Fall in love with a character. Feel as if I am a part of the book. This is the only way I do read, every single book I've read holds a part of my heart because I get so absorbed in them. If you don't find that you do this when your reading, then either a) pick a better book or b) don't make it a task, or something extra. Take a day or two and just do nothing but read a book. Lock yourself in a room. Become part of the story. When the characters cry, you'll find yourself crying. When they laugh, you'll find yourself laughing with them. I think that people who say they don't like reading have never truly read a book.

5. Laugh. Cry. Feel. It's good to have a good cry sometimes. If you never cry, you never put your entire self into something. If something doesn't go the way you wished it would, you cry. It's not a crime. This is something that I've learnt lately. It's not a bad thing to cry. It doesn't mean you're a permanently sad and depressed person, it just means that something sucks at the moment, and you just need to let it all out. With those tears though, you need to have some laughs. A pure outburst. The kind where you're bent over clutching your sides because they're hurting so bad. The kind where you can't breathe. Everybody needs one of those laughs once in a while. It reminds us that life's not so bad. There are still so many fantastic moments to have.

6.Meet new people. Not to fear new, different people. Not to stand to the side, smiling but not really saying anything. Sometimes people can surprise you. Everyone is so different. Unique talents, interests, beliefs, and ideas. Share a conversation with someone you don't know that well. You'll be surprised about the things you learn about them. The new views that they can give you. You might just find a friend in a stranger.

7. Not to be afraid of growing up, but also not to lose my childish naivety. With age, comes responsibility. You learn more about the world. You're not trapped behind your parent's wall of protection. You see the good, the bad and the ugly. With this new, truthful view of the world and the people in it, you have to still believe. Thats where the naivety comes in. You have to believe that the world can change for the better, and that people can change too. Don't mark someone off as a bad person just because they've done bad things. Give them that chance to redeem themselves. Give them that benefit of the doubt. (again, I'm not meaning trust serial killers because you think they can "change")

8. Gain independance. I want to try not to wholly depend on anyone. To live through my own successes and failures. You have no idea where this life will take you. You have to be able to survive it on your own.

9. Maintain a sketchbook. A sketchbook, not only for my drawings and sketches, but for my thoughts and ideas as well. I want to be able to go back and read/look through my sketchbooks and remember how I was at that period of time. How I viewed the world, what I specifically enjoyed drawing at that time. How I changed. How my drawing changed and evolved.

10. To not be afraid to take that leap. I don't want to live a life where I'm controlled by my fears. I want to live this life to the fullest and not be afraid to take that complete leap of faith, no matter how scary it might be. No matter if I succeed or fail, because if you don't ever take that leap of faith, how will you ever know? How will you ever know what could have happened? If you failed? or succeeded? I want to never leave myself in a position where I'll just never know what might have happened.

Mull that over. Whilst listening to this song.... Put a Penny in the Slot- Fionn Regan

Travellers Guide to Life

This is where I was last summer. Doing a handstand in front of the Eiffel Tower. Travelling through Europe with a group of amazing people having the time of my life. I want to go back to these places and relive these memories so bad. Last year's trip just gave me a taste and now I want the full meal. Hopefully once I'm finished school I can go buy a one way ticket to somewhere in Europe and go wherever my heart takes me. I think travelling really shows you the world and forces you to be open minded, and grow up. I want to experience everything the world has to offer, I want to go everywhere and meet all the different and unique people. Not just in Europe, but everywhere. It's always been a dream of mine and I want to do it so bad. To learn about and embrace different cultures and different people. To lose that narrow-mindedness. To see how different everything is. To make those experiences and memories that will come along the way.

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go." -Dr. Seuss

Nights On The Town

Saturday night some friends and I went out to The Roadhouse to celebrate our new found freedom. Everybody's finished school now and it's so exciting and just plain awesome. It was seriously like a high school reunion 1 year after grad. So many people were there and some of my friends from uni came too. All in all it was a stellar time, but definitely a once in a blue moon kind of night. I do not have the energy nor money to do that every weekend. I'm pretty sure my liver enjoys this too. Keeps it alive for longer.

In other news, I went to my friend's house for his birthday on Friday and had fun for the most part. Thank god for my friends Amanda and Brad coming though, because otherwise I would have been an outsider. All the girls that were there hate me and ignored me/ gave me dirty looks the whole night. Oh yes. It was just lovely. But oh well, they weren't the ones I was there to see. Jesse (the birthday boy) loved the gifts I got him (two Pink Floyd albums on Vinyl) and we had a good time talking (we're the kind of friends that will talk about everything. In the middle of the party we were talking about shakespeare and it was totally normal for us. Trying to be the intellectuals) and playing phoozeball. The night ended pretty badly, when all hell broke out between Jesse and the girls and I had to help get all the girls out of the house and home. Just reminds me how much I like growing up. Seriously, High school drama... not even high school drama. Stupid 16 year old girl drama. It's just ridiculous. I'm so glad none of my friends growing up and throughout school were never like that. I'm pretty proud to say that I have surrounded myself with pretty amazing people. My friends don't have absurd drama within our group, nor do we really ever duke it out in a fight. All throughout high school, and still now, I tend to float around groups and have a pretty wide variety of friends, even if it's just that I can start a conversation with them, but I definitely know who my best friends are and am so happy I have them. They keep me grounded and don't let me meddle in stupid shit. (If your one of those friends and are reading this, Thank You.)

On a happier note... Brad and Amanda went to the Said the Whale concert saturday and picked me up a shirt and their album 'Howe Sounds/Taking Abalonia' It's awesome. I love, love, love them. I am wearing my shirt as we speak. Looking like a champ.

P.S. I just found an ant crawling in my room. Ugh. Gross! I think it's time I clean my room.

Tea and Jane Austen

I'm in a very lovely carefree mood today. Wearing a Dress, drinking tea, reading Emma by Jane Austen. The snowstorm has cleared and the sun is shining through once again. Calgary weather never ceases to amaze me. Listening to the lovely Lisa Mitchell right now, This song captures my mood exactly. Clean White Love- Lisa Mitchell

Growing Up.

Today I discovered that snow days aren't fun once you graduate from high school. Work doesn't stop because it snowed, nor does university. This is just one more thing on the growing up list. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ready to grow up, to move out of my parents house, live on my own, take care of myself, do my taxes, pay rent and utilities, school, full time jobs, eventually families and careers. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I still have a blankie that I take everywhere and disney movies I still watch religiously. I can't cook, I hate cleaning, I'm still a teenager. I'm only 18. Sometimes I feel, especially after this year, that I'm supposed to be growing up. I have all of these new things placed on my shoulders. I have to pay for school, I have to pay for my car, get good grades in school, mature and take things more seriously, which I do. I don't go out and party all the time, and I do try to concentrate on my school work. All that can sometimes be a lot though, especially when I see how much more is going to be placed on my shoulders in the years to come. It's not always fun to grow up. I mean, it's nice to have that new freedom, and learning from your mistakes, and seeing the world and everything, but sometimes those mistakes are hard to get past. It's scary to think about what you're going to do in your life. All of these decisions pressing down on you. Decisions that influence your future. How are you supposed to know what you want to do with your life when your only 18 years old? I have no idea. I don't know what my career is going to be, I don't even know exactly what I want to do. Right now, I'm doing a Bachelor of Fine Arts in school because that is what I love to do, and I think that's what's truly important. Doing what you love. It's not easy though. It's stressful, and scary, and looming.

Another thing, is that I don't want to miss doing the things that I want to do. I want to take a year or even more to travel around Europe, and really see the world and meet all of the wonderfully different people in it. I want to experience everything I dream of, I want to really see the world. Not just the tourist stuff. I've always wanted that. Day dreamt about all the places I wanted to go in all of my classes throughout school (It's a wonder that I passed). I get scared that I won't do these things though. Like, I'll put them off because of school, and then because of money, It's not cheap to travel around the world, let me tell you. I'm scared that I won't want to leave because of ties in canada with friends and family, that I'll get a good job and won't be able to give it up. That eventually I'll start a family and have to put off these dreams even longer. Thats one of the things that really scares me the most about growing up. That I will have to give up the things I really want to do for other things. I don't want to let that happen. I really don't. I hope I don't. Growing up isn't easy, but it can let you do fantastic things with your life. I want to experience those fantastic things, as well as the hard things. I think I'm going to have a wonderful life, but I can't help but worry and scare myself. Being 18 can be tough. It's the first time that you get a real view of the world. The training wheels are off and you have to try and balance that two- wheeler on your own. You dad is standing behind you. He's already let go, watching you as you ride that bike on your own.