Sophocles Was a Smart Greek.

Pain has a god,

Love has a god,

And death,

And they smash

The proud

Again and again,

Hammer away

Until at last,

Grown old, 

We're wise.

And that's what happiness is.

                          -Sophocles (Antigone)

Dreary Days.

I'm lonely. I miss him. I miss us. I'm glad that nobody really reads this blog, I just like having a place to put my thoughts and worries. I like the possibility that someone might read it, but not everyone I know. It's just good to get all my crazy thoughts out of my head sometimes to fit the other stuff I need in there. Like school. School school school. This semester has been fun, but stressful, and hard. I'm taking 3 studio courses (NEVER again in one semester) and It's overwhelming all the work that needs to be done, while maintaining good grades. It's been hectic to say the least. Only 2 weeks left though! That's scary. I have so much to do. SO MUCH, and I'm losing the oomph to do it. I just don't want to get out of bed anymore, and when I come home, I get right back into it. I also think I'm coming down with the flu. Not good at this point in the semester. I'm feeling so weak and sick and have to get up early for a midterm tomorrow morning. Then I have to finish my projects in printmaking, and paint 8 watercolours for another class, and do self identification collages, and a self identification project for Anatomical drawing, AND read a play and finish script and character analysis as well as research. And that's all for next week. :(

The weather has also turned, and it has become winter in a flash. I'm alright with it though. I love snowy days and snowy evenings by the fire. Sunshine opens tomorrow so I can finally get back on the mountains, and winter means christmas! Chrismas smells, a break from school, time to do things for myself, good food and family. Best season of the year, by far. Then it's off to semester 2. Back to lots of work and stress!

Other than that, my mood has been pretty bleak. It's been a Shins kind of month. Love sucks, and boys confuse me. One in particular. But so is life I suppose, and I'll just have to deal.

I also picked up a CD by The National. It's awesome.

Confusion and Desperation.

I don't really know anymore. I don't really know about anything. I can't keep fighting my thoughts and worries. They keep me up late at night, and distract me during the days. It's the logic I'm trying to fight. The logic of knowing that I'm setting myself up to be hurt. I'm scared and I worry. I feel lonely. I don't know what to do. Follow my heart or my head. Sometimes I think we're on the same page, but then moments arise where I realize we want different things, but also the same things. I am just all around confused. I've been confused for what feels like forever.  Sometimes I feel that I'm not wanted. And it breaks my heart.