Tea and Jane Austen

I'm in a very lovely carefree mood today. Wearing a Dress, drinking tea, reading Emma by Jane Austen. The snowstorm has cleared and the sun is shining through once again. Calgary weather never ceases to amaze me. Listening to the lovely Lisa Mitchell right now, This song captures my mood exactly. Clean White Love- Lisa Mitchell

Growing Up.

Today I discovered that snow days aren't fun once you graduate from high school. Work doesn't stop because it snowed, nor does university. This is just one more thing on the growing up list. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ready to grow up, to move out of my parents house, live on my own, take care of myself, do my taxes, pay rent and utilities, school, full time jobs, eventually families and careers. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I still have a blankie that I take everywhere and disney movies I still watch religiously. I can't cook, I hate cleaning, I'm still a teenager. I'm only 18. Sometimes I feel, especially after this year, that I'm supposed to be growing up. I have all of these new things placed on my shoulders. I have to pay for school, I have to pay for my car, get good grades in school, mature and take things more seriously, which I do. I don't go out and party all the time, and I do try to concentrate on my school work. All that can sometimes be a lot though, especially when I see how much more is going to be placed on my shoulders in the years to come. It's not always fun to grow up. I mean, it's nice to have that new freedom, and learning from your mistakes, and seeing the world and everything, but sometimes those mistakes are hard to get past. It's scary to think about what you're going to do in your life. All of these decisions pressing down on you. Decisions that influence your future. How are you supposed to know what you want to do with your life when your only 18 years old? I have no idea. I don't know what my career is going to be, I don't even know exactly what I want to do. Right now, I'm doing a Bachelor of Fine Arts in school because that is what I love to do, and I think that's what's truly important. Doing what you love. It's not easy though. It's stressful, and scary, and looming.

Another thing, is that I don't want to miss doing the things that I want to do. I want to take a year or even more to travel around Europe, and really see the world and meet all of the wonderfully different people in it. I want to experience everything I dream of, I want to really see the world. Not just the tourist stuff. I've always wanted that. Day dreamt about all the places I wanted to go in all of my classes throughout school (It's a wonder that I passed). I get scared that I won't do these things though. Like, I'll put them off because of school, and then because of money, It's not cheap to travel around the world, let me tell you. I'm scared that I won't want to leave because of ties in canada with friends and family, that I'll get a good job and won't be able to give it up. That eventually I'll start a family and have to put off these dreams even longer. Thats one of the things that really scares me the most about growing up. That I will have to give up the things I really want to do for other things. I don't want to let that happen. I really don't. I hope I don't. Growing up isn't easy, but it can let you do fantastic things with your life. I want to experience those fantastic things, as well as the hard things. I think I'm going to have a wonderful life, but I can't help but worry and scare myself. Being 18 can be tough. It's the first time that you get a real view of the world. The training wheels are off and you have to try and balance that two- wheeler on your own. You dad is standing behind you. He's already let go, watching you as you ride that bike on your own.

Snowy Afternoons and the Smell of Old Records

Today I woke up to see a full fledged blizzard outside. Last week I got a sunburn from lying outside in my bathing suit! Calgary weather can be just ridiculous sometimes! I got a call from my best friend asking if I could drive out to rescue her and drive her to work since her windshield wipers crapped out. Needless to say, I put on my trusty monkey toque and winter jacket and drove out there in all my knight in shining armour-ness. She owes me big time. After my heroic rescue, I decided that, since I was already out and about in the dreadful weather, I would go to the magnificent store 'Where on Earth Did You Get That'. This store, if you have not heard of it, is a beast of an antique store. It is also one of my favourite stores. I could literally spend hours in it and spend a zillion dollars. Seriously, I never walk out of it without my wallet drained and a few more treasures in my hands. Today I bought some records (two Pink Floyd albums for my friend and a Buddy Holly collection) and an adorable vintage hand purse. Once again I am very happy with what I have left that store with. I did spot an old bracelet that I am now dying to buy (It even comes with a beautiful vintage case) and will probably cave in and buy it soon... Hopefully not! I need to save my money! I have a serious issue with saving. I just want everything! bleh. Maybe I can convince somebody to get it for me! :)

Serenity

Right now I'm feeling very placid and serene. I'm drinking a cup of tea, whilst listening to Timber Timbre, preparing to start my day. I've recently discovered this band and am already in love with them. they're playing at Calgary Folk Fest this year and I am truly, truly excited for it. I will most definitely be there sprawled out on a blanket listening to their bluesy melodies. Demon Host- Timber Timbre

The other day, when it was still beautiful and summer-y out, I took my sister out to a field just outside of Airdrie and practiced my photography using her as my model. It was fun! I put her in some of my clothes and told her where to sit and where to look while I snapped some shots. The picture at the top of the post is one of my favourites.

I am finally done school. I am literally finished my first year of university. I cannot believe it. I don't feel like I'm old enough to be saying that. I still feel like I am a little kid with little silly worries. Still watching cartoons on saturday mornings. ( I must admit, I do still do that...) I am so relieved that this year is done, but I just can't believe it is done. This year flew by so fast I barely saw it. Now it's summer 2010. The summer for working lots so that I can afford school and hopefully move out on my own soon. Maybe, maybe not. I need to learn to cook first... It's also the summer that will bring a lot of memories. I hope so at least. Me and my best friends are planning a road trip to Kelowna and I am so excited I even have dreams about it. Mostly I'm excited for all of the cute random places we will see and the music (which i will be in charge of) that we will be listening to through our adventure through the mountains. Okay, now I've got myself even more excited! Bollucks! It's not for a couple more months! anyways.. I am also looking very forward to Airdrie rodeo and Stampede. Seriously, I just want to get on those rides at stampede (The Zipper is my favourite) and eat lots of mini donuts and corn dogs! I can't wait to see all the little piglets in the agricultural barn and see some live music, watch the bull riding, calf roping, steer wrestling and barrel racing. I want to do some two stepping. But for now, I will do some laundry, and some vacuuming. Then I'll go to the gym with Ginnelle and actually get some energy and focus back. Ugh. I hate the gym. Then i'll go to work and make some moola. How else is that university gig going to keep going?

Musical Love.

I'm currently listening to the newest She & Him album and I am loving it! Zooey Deschanel is pure love. Made me feel like posting a little blog about my little music loves of the week. So here goes it...

Music Loves of the Week

1. She & Him - Obviously! Their sound is just so adorable and cheerful. Zooey has this amazing bright, classic voice that I could listen to for hours. One song in particular that I love off of their new album "Volume 2" is 'Ridin in My Car' It just has a retro vibe to it that I love.

2. The Shins - These guys are on almost all of my playlists. I adore them. Amazing sound and lyrics. I would marry James Mercer if he would have me. Although I love everything they do, my absolute favourite songs are 'New Slang', 'Caring is Creepy' and 'Australia'. If you've never heard of them, DEFINITELY check them out!

3. Broken Bells - On the subject of The Shins and James Mercer, I am loving my new find of this band. The band includes James Mercer (Lead singer for The Shins) and Danger Mouse. I picked up this CD at Starbucks on a whim, and I am so so happy that I did! If you like The Shins, you'll love Broken Bells.

4. Said The Whale - Of course. Everything the do is spectacular. Awesome road trip music. They are coming to Calgary on May 1st and unfortunately I'm not going. I'm so bummed about that. Again, if you haven't heard of them, check them out and listen to some of their stuff. I recommend 'Camilo', 'Gentleman' and 'Black Day in December'.

5. The Flaming Lips - I have really been loving them lately. Especially 'Do You Realize??' It's just an amazing song. It picks me up right away and just makes me think about life and everything miraculous. When I die.. Hopefully far in the future.. I want this to be playing at my funeral.

6. Ray LaMontagne - Soothing, acoustic joy. His voice melts my heart. Listen to 'A Falling Through' and 'Gossip in the Grain'. Just makes you want to lie there and absorb the sound.

7. Joe Purdy - Again, Acoustic serenity. Discovered him the other day actually, and fell madly in love with him. One song in particular 'Isn't Love'. Just beautiful sounds all around from this fellow.

I really could go on forever... I have so many amazing artists that I am in love with right now that it's impossible to name them all. So that is the top 7 for now. New/ other Artists will probably come into the list by tomorrow anyways... :)

Life is Good.

I've been thinking, I have it good. I mean, I have it awesome. I have a family that loves me so much, and although we aren't perfect, my parents are divorced and my mom's re-married... Thats how we work. Thats just how it is. I wouldn't change anything about us. I love my step-dad with my whole heart, he's raised me. I have an amazing little sister that I get along great with and can confide in always. Even when we have our spats we get over it in about 10 minutes. I also have a comfortable home. A cozy little bed, and all of the things I love to surround me. I have a car, I'm going to school, I have a job. I'm doing good.

I also have some of the best friends you could imagine. They keep me "me". They aren't afraid to tell me when I'm grumpy or changing for the worse. They will also give me honest input when we're shopping for clothes. They are the people that I have always trusted and have always loved and had fun with. They are the type of friends where you can just sit together in silence and it won't be awkward. It's just comfortable being with each other. We have been friends since we were 7. Now being 18 and still just as strong as ever, I hope that will never change.

Today i was reading through blogs, and I came to one that was about a woman dealing with her husbands death, and I'm thinking to myself... I am just so lucky. I think it's really important to take a minute and just realize what you have. How everything could be so much worse. You need to be grateful. You need to tell the important people in your life how much you love them every single day. How much you appreciate their being in your life. You never know what could happen tomorrow. Each day brings something new.

Scramble to the Finish Line

School is almost over, and with that comes all of the final projects, papers and exams to try and get done. I have been trying to get down and dirty with my Art history and English papers for a while now, and as always have left them to the very last minute. My procrastination triumphs over motivation every time. I now am trying to seriously get them done, with my Art history paper coming out to 4 pages out of 8 and my English.. well lets just say there are no pages. Stress is beginning to overwhelm me as the due dates loom (this Thursday and Friday). I just have no motivation to do them. I am in a premature summer-mode where I can't do anything but dream about all the things I'm going to do after school is done. I am feeling creative and I just want to paint and draw and read and watch movies and lay in the sun. Well a hypothetical sun, seeing as winter has come back in April. Oh well. I must crack down and write write write! schools nearly done for the year!