Growing Up.

Today I discovered that snow days aren't fun once you graduate from high school. Work doesn't stop because it snowed, nor does university. This is just one more thing on the growing up list. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ready to grow up, to move out of my parents house, live on my own, take care of myself, do my taxes, pay rent and utilities, school, full time jobs, eventually families and careers. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I still have a blankie that I take everywhere and disney movies I still watch religiously. I can't cook, I hate cleaning, I'm still a teenager. I'm only 18. Sometimes I feel, especially after this year, that I'm supposed to be growing up. I have all of these new things placed on my shoulders. I have to pay for school, I have to pay for my car, get good grades in school, mature and take things more seriously, which I do. I don't go out and party all the time, and I do try to concentrate on my school work. All that can sometimes be a lot though, especially when I see how much more is going to be placed on my shoulders in the years to come. It's not always fun to grow up. I mean, it's nice to have that new freedom, and learning from your mistakes, and seeing the world and everything, but sometimes those mistakes are hard to get past. It's scary to think about what you're going to do in your life. All of these decisions pressing down on you. Decisions that influence your future. How are you supposed to know what you want to do with your life when your only 18 years old? I have no idea. I don't know what my career is going to be, I don't even know exactly what I want to do. Right now, I'm doing a Bachelor of Fine Arts in school because that is what I love to do, and I think that's what's truly important. Doing what you love. It's not easy though. It's stressful, and scary, and looming.

Another thing, is that I don't want to miss doing the things that I want to do. I want to take a year or even more to travel around Europe, and really see the world and meet all of the wonderfully different people in it. I want to experience everything I dream of, I want to really see the world. Not just the tourist stuff. I've always wanted that. Day dreamt about all the places I wanted to go in all of my classes throughout school (It's a wonder that I passed). I get scared that I won't do these things though. Like, I'll put them off because of school, and then because of money, It's not cheap to travel around the world, let me tell you. I'm scared that I won't want to leave because of ties in canada with friends and family, that I'll get a good job and won't be able to give it up. That eventually I'll start a family and have to put off these dreams even longer. Thats one of the things that really scares me the most about growing up. That I will have to give up the things I really want to do for other things. I don't want to let that happen. I really don't. I hope I don't. Growing up isn't easy, but it can let you do fantastic things with your life. I want to experience those fantastic things, as well as the hard things. I think I'm going to have a wonderful life, but I can't help but worry and scare myself. Being 18 can be tough. It's the first time that you get a real view of the world. The training wheels are off and you have to try and balance that two- wheeler on your own. You dad is standing behind you. He's already let go, watching you as you ride that bike on your own.