Rain Rehabilitates

The rain has been falling on the city for about a week straight. I am loving it. Rain refreshes. It rehabilitates. It's rehabilitated me. It's reminded me that the brown grass will always turn green again. The flowers will bloom. What was dead becomes alive again. It's so refreshing. It calms me down and gives me a happy outlook for the future. I am happy. I am excited for whatever the future throws my way. I'm stoked to be along for the ride. I've been lost in thoughts and have found myself rejoicing in solitude lately. It's nice, and has allowed me to break out on my own easily. I have learned that I am not afraid to live on my own, to take care of myself, and to take care of a home of my own. I'm excited to live on my own actually. Really excited. I want to move away after I graduate and just start a completely new life completely of my own. I've got my eyes set on Vancouver or the East Coast. Not to run away, just to start a new chapter of my life. To do whatever I want to do. To never feel stuck, and to be happy. Always do things that make me happy. Right now what makes me happy is to be single, free, and dreaming. 

This past weekend I went on a little road trip with a few close girl friends out to Invermere, BC. My Dad has a trailer out on a lake near there, so we camped out there for the weekend and visited our friend. It was so much fun. The weather was beautiful and we spent the weekend in our bikini's soaking up the blessed sunshine. It was a delicious taste of summer, and relaxing. I spent 3 hours just laying on the dock  remembering and appreciating how good life is. I have so many amazing friends and I live in an absolutely amazing country. It's beautiful. Sometimes you just have to take some time to appreciate life. Appreciate all that you have, and all that you can do. 

I have also started my spring photography course. It's so interesting. I am finally learning how to use my camera properly. Some of the concepts take a while to understand and master, but overall I love the course and I love what I have been able to create by using the tools I've learned. I also visited the Yousuf Karsh exhibit at the Glenbow Museum and loved it. What an amazing photographer. Such stunning work, I could sit in there for hours.

Rainy Day Playlist:

1. Let It Rain- Ok Go

2. Carolina- M.Ward

3. Love Letter- Lisa Mitchell

4. No More Rain- Conner Shaw

5. Dead and Done- Bobby Long

6. Say Yes- Elliot Smith

7. First Day of My Life- Bright Eyes

8. Calgary- Bon Iver

9. Shadow People- Dr. Dog

10. Ladder Song- Bright Eyes

11. The Rain- Swell Season

12. Flume- Bon Iver

Happy Days

Today is a wonderful day. The sun is beating warmth and light down on us. The neighbours have been on the patio all day. It is gorgeous. I am so stoked for summer. I've been spring cleaning all day playing some of my summer mixtapes and dancing around. The laundry is out on the line drying in the sun and I have opened every single window in the house to let the warm air in. I am so happy today.

Such a good day. Smiles are headed my way :)

Summer Mixtape:

1. Seven Nation Army- L'Oncle Soul

2. Tighten Up- Hoodie Allen

3. Heart It Races- Dr. Dog

4. Fake Drugs- Hollerado

5. Let's Go Surfing- The Drums

6. Where I'm Going- Cut Copy

7. 40 Day Dream- Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

8. Memory Boy- Deer Hunter

9. Mr. Blue Sky- ELO

10. It's Summertime- The Flaming Lips

11. For The Girl- The Fratellis

12. Faces in The Dark- The Generationals

13. Wildlife Sculpture- The Generationals

14. Pumped Up Kicks- Foster The People

15. Let's Rumble Baby- John Chopper Harris

16. Your Little Hoodrat Friend- The Hold Steady

17. Do The Doot Da Doot Do- Hollerado

18. Naked Kids- Grouplove

19. Ivy & Gold- Bombay Bicycle Club

20. Where'd All The Time Go- Dr. Dog

21. What A Day For A Daydream- The Lovin' Spoonful

The Darkness is Filled with Emptiness

I'm trying really really really hard to stay positive and distracted and happy. When the night comes it becomes impossible. No matter how exhausted or tired I am I cannot fall asleep. The emptiness of the night terrorizes me. Insomnia for the brokenhearted.

Afternoon Tea

Today I invited a few friends over for a Tea Party. It was lovely. I made the most adorable peanut butter and jam sandwiches, They were my pride and joy. It's been pretty drizzily all day, hopefully Mother Nature decides to spare us tonight, because I am going over to Alyssa and Ginnelle's house for a fire with all the girls. She's leaving for Radium next week so we're having a going away party for her.

Having a tea party today just made me want to move out so bad. SO BAD. Not the paying rent or a mortgage part... But the having my own place, my own kitchen, living room ect to set everything out and decorate and clean. Something that's just mine. Living with my Dad lets me live that dream a little bit, without having to pay the rent. I clean the house, and it's pretty much like living with a room mate. I'm still partly living out of a suitcase though. Since my work is in Airdrie, and I just end up staying at my Mom's house. I start school again on Wednesday though. So we will see how everything works out. Alyssa and Ginnelle's parents just bought a condo on the west side of Airdrie, They're going to rent it out for a couple years, and then Alyssa, Ginnelle and I will probably move into it after Ginnelle and I are finished school and can afford it. I wish it was in Calgary rather than Airdrie, but it probably won't be so bad being close to home when I start out on my own. At least for a year or two.

I just finished making some mixtapes for Ginnelle and Amanda. They are pretty, pretty good. If I do say so myself.

Stay Strong, Move Along

It's hard. Love is hard. Moving on is hard. It's hard to lose your best friend. It's hard to act like you're fine and dandy. It's hard to not wallow in self pity. It's hard not to cry when you see him. It's especially hard to see him more happy with someone else. It's hard to face the fact that I'm gone. That he doesn't want me anymore. I know I chose this. I had to. And I don't regret my choice for a second. When a relationship isn't good anymore, and when truth falters, you need to move on. Some things aren't meant to last. I always knew that. But it doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye. It doesn't make it any easier to let go, and move on, walk away from love and make yourself happy again.

This is what I need to do though. Make myself happy. Love myself again. Meet new people.  Make new friends. Make new memories. I don't want to rush into anything new. I want to be with myself. And do the things that I love to do. I want to laugh lots, I want to enjoy my own company. Have a drink by myself. I don't want to be concerned about what anyone else thinks of me. I have my own hobbies. My own interests. Now is the time to enrich my life with me time.

I am finally finished my second year of University. I am taking a spring photography course that will get me outside seeing the world differently. Life through a lens is different. I love it. I can share beauty with others through a single picture. After that, It's freedom for the summer. Working to pay for school next year, and enjoying life as it comes. Maybe going on a road trip or two in my new Cherokee. Camping, hikes, picnics, music festivals, tea parties, scrabble games, dancing, and exploring. The scent of summer awaits. Raiding antique stores and doing some home renovation. I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to spending my summer with friends and with myself. Capturing all of the summer goodness and optimism.

I've been trying really hard to stay optimistic. To stay calm. To stay distracted. Sometimes it's easy to do. Other times it's not. But I do not want to sink into a pit of unhappiness. A girl who can only be happy with a boy is a stupid one. And I am not stupid.