Notes For Myself.

Don't cry in public. Don't cry in public. Don't cry in public

Stop looking at your phone. He's not going to call.

Don't call him. You'll make it worse.

Stop thinking about it. 

Don't let it ruin your day.

Don't let it ruin your birthday. 

You apologized, you admitted you were wrong. There's nothing else you can do.

You just have to wait, and hopefully he'll forgive you.

It's not the first mistake you've made. 

You've both made mistakes. You've both been idiots at one time or another.

Stop listening to 'Sodom, South Georgia'. Turn it off.

Don't let this ruin your day. 

Crying in your car is still in public. People can see.

What happened to "I barely ever cry" 

This month alone you've cried more than in the past year probably.

Man up. Walk tall.

TURN OFF THAT SONG.

Maybe he'll forgive you.

He's made mistakes too.

You're both human.

Breathe.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

The Ballad of Love and Hate

The Ballad Of Love and Hate

The Avett Brothers

Love writes a letter and sends it to hate.

My vacations ending. I'm coming home late.

The weather was fine and the ocean was great 

and I can't wait to see you again. 

Hate reads the letter and throws it away.

"No one here cares if you go or you stay.

I barely even noticed that you were away.

I'll see you or I won't, whatever."

Love sings a song as she sails through the sky.

The water looks bluer through her pretty eyes.

And everyone knows it whenever she flies,

and also when she comes down.

Hate keeps his head up and walks through the street.

Every stranger and drifter he greets.

And shakes hands with every loner he meets

with a serious look on his face.

Love arrives safely with suitcase in tow.

Carrying with her the good things we know.

A reason to live and a reason to grow.

To trust. To hope. To care.

Hate sits alone on the hood of his car.

Without much regard to the moon or the stars. 

Lazily killing the last of a jar 

of the strongest stuff you can drink.

Love takes a taxi, a young man drives.

As soon as he sees her, hope fills his eyes.

But tears follow after, at the end of the ride, 

cause he might never see her again.

Hate gets home lucky to still be alive.

He screams o'er the sidewalk and into the drive.

The clock in the kitchen says 2:55, 

And the clock in the kitchen is slow.

Love has been waiting, patient and kind.

Just wanting a phone call or some kind of sign,

That the one that she cares for, who's out of his mind,

Will make it back safe to her arms.

Hate stumbles forward and leans in the door.

Weary head hung, eyes to the floor.

He says "Love, I'm sorry", and she says, "What for?

I'm your's and that's it, Whatever.

I should not have been gone for so long.

I'm your's and that's it, forever."

You're mine and that's it, forever.

Through Someone Else's Eyes.

Sometimes you have to put yourself in another person's mind and see their outlook to understand something. Their past may affect you.

Wet, Dismal Days Accompany the Sombre Soul.

Last night and today have been a struggle. A struggle to focus, and not fall down. Not give up. Not crawl back into my bed and never get back out. It's just been a really really hard and emotional 24 hours. This morning I got up at 6:00, after a night filled with tears, horrible dreams, tossing and turning, and finally laying awake staring at the ceiling searching for answers. I got up, went to take a shower, and ended up sitting down for 20 minutes soaking in the hot water, mulling over my endless thoughts. I finally got out, got ready, made myself a hot chai tea and left for school. Dreary, wet, rainy and foggy weather met me outside my door. Driving into school in that weather, in the dark of the morning, listening to Ray LaMontagne's voice radiate through the car, tears were running down my face. I'm glad for it though. Sometimes when you're sad, you just have to accept that you're sad, wallow in it, and then you can move on. It might take a while, but it's possible to be happy again.

I still don't know what will happen, or how I will deal with the obstacles of growing up and distance and hardships, but I  do know that I still love someone tremendously. That's all I know right now, and I hope it's enough. The only thing I can do is love blindly, and hope everything works out.

L'Amour.

Life will always throw obstacles at you for you to overcome. Life is never easy. But those challenges make the good times so much better. 

I used to think love was something that took time to know. That you couldn't possibly love someone until you were with them for at least 6 months. Like there was a certain amount of time you had to overcome before it was acceptable to be in love with that person. I don't know if that was just because I was in high school, or because that's the general view of relationships and love in our generation. It's expected to use your head and think your way through a relationship. You don't hear of the wild wind love stories that your grandparent's generation have anymore. The spontaneity of falling in love and being together is lacking.  Now, people think that that spontaneity is dangerous, and scary, well so what. So what. What's wrong with fear? It's natural to fear things. It's natural to be scared, how else would you overcome anything? We've done it over and over again throughout our lives. From being scared of the monster under the bed, to the fear of living on your own. We have to deal with it, thats part of growing up.

I don't think there are any rules when it comes to love, and I don't believe you can think yourself through it. It's something you have to feel yourself through blindly. You never know what's going to happen, but you take that leap of faith anyways. You should stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong, and what you have to prepare yourself for, and just do it. I think when you start to over think love, thats when it falls apart. Divorces are so common today that it's hard to believe that any two people can stay together forever, but then you see those old couples... Walking down the street together hand in hand, or going out for breakfast and ordering for each other,  Sharing the newspaper over coffee, visiting their grandchildren... They love and need one another. You know that there has probably been a time or two throughout their lives together that their love was tested, and that there were arguments, and hardships, but they made it through. I think those couples are examples that it can work, and that you can be with one person for the rest of your life.

Love can't be determined by time. It can't be controlled. When you find love, time doesn't matter. When you know, you know. I also believe that if you truly want it to,  love can conquer any obstacle. You just have to let it. Don't give up on it because it's hard.