Stay Strong, Move Along

It's hard. Love is hard. Moving on is hard. It's hard to lose your best friend. It's hard to act like you're fine and dandy. It's hard to not wallow in self pity. It's hard not to cry when you see him. It's especially hard to see him more happy with someone else. It's hard to face the fact that I'm gone. That he doesn't want me anymore. I know I chose this. I had to. And I don't regret my choice for a second. When a relationship isn't good anymore, and when truth falters, you need to move on. Some things aren't meant to last. I always knew that. But it doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye. It doesn't make it any easier to let go, and move on, walk away from love and make yourself happy again.

This is what I need to do though. Make myself happy. Love myself again. Meet new people.  Make new friends. Make new memories. I don't want to rush into anything new. I want to be with myself. And do the things that I love to do. I want to laugh lots, I want to enjoy my own company. Have a drink by myself. I don't want to be concerned about what anyone else thinks of me. I have my own hobbies. My own interests. Now is the time to enrich my life with me time.

I am finally finished my second year of University. I am taking a spring photography course that will get me outside seeing the world differently. Life through a lens is different. I love it. I can share beauty with others through a single picture. After that, It's freedom for the summer. Working to pay for school next year, and enjoying life as it comes. Maybe going on a road trip or two in my new Cherokee. Camping, hikes, picnics, music festivals, tea parties, scrabble games, dancing, and exploring. The scent of summer awaits. Raiding antique stores and doing some home renovation. I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to spending my summer with friends and with myself. Capturing all of the summer goodness and optimism.

I've been trying really hard to stay optimistic. To stay calm. To stay distracted. Sometimes it's easy to do. Other times it's not. But I do not want to sink into a pit of unhappiness. A girl who can only be happy with a boy is a stupid one. And I am not stupid.