Do You Realize??

Right now I'm listening to Do You Realize??- The Flaming Lips and just absorbing everything around me. This song makes me think. Think about life, love, and what your going to have to look back on when it's your time to go. This just makes me realize how much I want every moment to count, even if I don't remember every single moment. I want to look back on my life and say that I lived the best that I could, and that I loved the best I could. I don't want to live my life in a trance. These last couple weeks since school finished I really have been doing nothing. Sleeping in, maybe watching a movie, maybe going to work for a few hours... not much of importance. So I made a list of everything I want to try to do, (some things I do think I already do, but want to do them better) starting now.

1. Have a camera ready. I want to capture all of the moments. The in between moments, The moments you don't really realize are moments. I want to capture the pure human-ness of us. The regular-ness of us, because I think that regular-ness is beautiful. So ironically unique and different in our regular-ness.

2. Love freely and passionately. Not to be afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve and let someone woo me. To not think about what's going to happen. Not to worry about getting hurt emotionally by someone, because by the end of the day, I'll know that I gave it my serious 110% best and know that if it ends, it just wasn't meant to last forever. I want to be able to let people in and let them truly get to know me and either love me for who I am, or not. I am who I am and I always will be. I'm not going to change for anybody, but I will let them in. I want to trust people. Not everybody, because obviously, that could get me killed, but to believe in their best qualities.

3. That being said... I want to surround myself with true, honest, loving people. People who I know will never literally hurt me, People who accept me for who I am and love me for it.

4. Read. Absorb myself in a book. Fall in love with a character. Feel as if I am a part of the book. This is the only way I do read, every single book I've read holds a part of my heart because I get so absorbed in them. If you don't find that you do this when your reading, then either a) pick a better book or b) don't make it a task, or something extra. Take a day or two and just do nothing but read a book. Lock yourself in a room. Become part of the story. When the characters cry, you'll find yourself crying. When they laugh, you'll find yourself laughing with them. I think that people who say they don't like reading have never truly read a book.

5. Laugh. Cry. Feel. It's good to have a good cry sometimes. If you never cry, you never put your entire self into something. If something doesn't go the way you wished it would, you cry. It's not a crime. This is something that I've learnt lately. It's not a bad thing to cry. It doesn't mean you're a permanently sad and depressed person, it just means that something sucks at the moment, and you just need to let it all out. With those tears though, you need to have some laughs. A pure outburst. The kind where you're bent over clutching your sides because they're hurting so bad. The kind where you can't breathe. Everybody needs one of those laughs once in a while. It reminds us that life's not so bad. There are still so many fantastic moments to have.

6.Meet new people. Not to fear new, different people. Not to stand to the side, smiling but not really saying anything. Sometimes people can surprise you. Everyone is so different. Unique talents, interests, beliefs, and ideas. Share a conversation with someone you don't know that well. You'll be surprised about the things you learn about them. The new views that they can give you. You might just find a friend in a stranger.

7. Not to be afraid of growing up, but also not to lose my childish naivety. With age, comes responsibility. You learn more about the world. You're not trapped behind your parent's wall of protection. You see the good, the bad and the ugly. With this new, truthful view of the world and the people in it, you have to still believe. Thats where the naivety comes in. You have to believe that the world can change for the better, and that people can change too. Don't mark someone off as a bad person just because they've done bad things. Give them that chance to redeem themselves. Give them that benefit of the doubt. (again, I'm not meaning trust serial killers because you think they can "change")

8. Gain independance. I want to try not to wholly depend on anyone. To live through my own successes and failures. You have no idea where this life will take you. You have to be able to survive it on your own.

9. Maintain a sketchbook. A sketchbook, not only for my drawings and sketches, but for my thoughts and ideas as well. I want to be able to go back and read/look through my sketchbooks and remember how I was at that period of time. How I viewed the world, what I specifically enjoyed drawing at that time. How I changed. How my drawing changed and evolved.

10. To not be afraid to take that leap. I don't want to live a life where I'm controlled by my fears. I want to live this life to the fullest and not be afraid to take that complete leap of faith, no matter how scary it might be. No matter if I succeed or fail, because if you don't ever take that leap of faith, how will you ever know? How will you ever know what could have happened? If you failed? or succeeded? I want to never leave myself in a position where I'll just never know what might have happened.

Mull that over. Whilst listening to this song.... Put a Penny in the Slot- Fionn Regan